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Who is Hu?

[Anmerkung: Für die jüngeren Leser sind links zu den Personen der Zeitgeschichte, die hier angesprochen werden, hinterlegt.]

(Conversation heard in the Oval Office between George W. Bush and Dr. Condoleezza Rice, his National Security Advisor.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. [Hu Jintao]

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of  China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi? [Kofi Annan]

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?


English 4 Beginners

Two strangers meet in London. They start a conversation but they usually have to use their dictionary quite often.

A: Hello, Sir! How goes it you?
B: Oh, thank you for the afterquestion.

A: Are your already long here?
B: No, first a pair days. I'm not out London.

A: Thunderweather, that overrushes me, you see not so out.
B: That can yes beforecome. But now what other: my hairs stood to mountains as I the traffic saw. So much cars gives it here.

A: You are heavy on the woodway if you believe that in London horsedroveworks go.
B: Will we now drink a beer? My throat is outdried. But look, there is a guesthouse, let us there man go!

A: That is a good idea. Equal goes it loose, I will only my shoeband close.
B: Here we are. Make me please the door open.

A: But there is a beforehangingcastle, the economy is to. How sorry! Then I will go back to the hotel, it is already retard. On againsee!
B: Oh, yes, I will too go. I must become my draught to Bristol. Auf Wiedersehen!

A: Nanu, sie sind Deutscher?
B: Ja, sie auch? Das wundert mich aber. Ihr Englisch ist so hervorragend, dass ich es gar nicht bemerkt hatte...


Und noch ein paar Hilfestellungen für den Alltag

That have you you so thought
Das hast Du Dir so gedacht

Give not so on
Gib nicht so an

How goes it you
Wie geht es Dir

Heaven, ass and thread
Himmel, Arsch und Zwirn

Mealtime
Mahlzeit

Of again see
Auf Wiedersehen

Us runs the water in the mouth together
Uns läuft das Wasser im Mund zusammen

Human being Meier
Mensch Meier

I only understand railstation
Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof

My dear Mister singing-club
Mein lieber Herr Gesangsverein

Now we sit quiete beautiful in the ink
Jetzt sitzen wir ganz schön in der Tinte

Your English is under all pig
Dein Englisch ist unter aller Sau

Slow going is all trucks beginning
Müßiggang ist aller Laster Anfang

Now can come what wants
Nun kann kommen was will

To have a jump in the dish
Einen Sprung in der Schüssel haben

To have much wood before the cottage
Viel Holz vor der Hütte haben

To have not all cups in the board
Nicht alle Tassen im Schrank haben

Together-hang-less
Zusammenhanglos

If you think, you can beat me over the ear, you are on the woodway
Wenn Du denkst, Du kannst mich übers Ohr hauen, bist Du auf dem Holzweg

I’m heavy on wire
Ich bin schwer auf Draht

Bloody Steak
Blutiges Steak


Und dann noch ein paar Städte aus Deutschland als mögliche Reisetipps

Ash-monkey-castle
Aschaffenburg

Bathroom-rich-echo
Badreichenhall

Double-u-upper-valley
Wuppertal

How’s bathing
Wiesbaden

Raw-stick
Rostock

Rectal-town
Darmstadt

Spice-castle
Würzburg

Theremouth
Dortmund

To-sitdown-home
Hockenheim

Top-of-the-train
Zugspitze

Bad Monster-Feifel
Bad Münstereifel (selbst erlebt!)


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